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REVOLUTIONARY COMMON SENSE LIBRARY
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The Disability
Double Standard
Revolutionary Common Sense by Kathie Snow
www.disabilityisnatural.com
A few weeks ago, a neighbor (“Janet”) called, inquiring if my daughter, Emily, could babysit her children. Before putting my daughter on the phone, Janet and I chatted about what was going on in our lives. (As a side note, Janet is a substitute teacher, her husband has his own business, they’re both well-educated, and they recently remodeled their home with the latest in home appliances.) As we talked, Janet began complaining about her oldest son, Robert, a sixth grader. “Oh, he is so lazy and he’s always trying to take the easy way out!”
“I don’t understand—what do you mean he’s ‘lazy’ and ‘takes
the easy way out’?” I asked.
“Well I’ll tell you!” she huffed. “The other day
in his band class, he wanted to switch from the saxophone to drums because
he thought drums would be easier! See what I mean? He just always wants
things to be easy! I told him, ‘No way, Buster! You’re sticking
it out with the sax!’ ”
Her comments weren’t out of the ordinary. I’ve heard many parents
say similar things about their children, and at one time, I shared
a similar attitude. But my work in the disability field, combined
with being the parent of two teenagers, one of whom has a disability, has
given me a different perspective. So I shared my thoughts with my frustrated
neighbor.
Kathie: Janet, do you have a dishwasher?
Janet: Of course!
Kathie: What about a microwave oven, computer, cell phone, washing
machine, and dryer?
Janet: Yes, you know I do!
Kathie: Why do you use those, Janet? Isn’t it to make life
easier?
Janet: Well, yes, I guess so.
Kathie: So why is it okay for grown-ups to decide to do things
or use things that make our lives easier, but it’s not okay
for our children to do the same thing?
At that, she sputtered and hemmed and hawed, and then began
to rethink her accusation that her son was “lazy” and
always wanted to “take the easy way out.” Oh, if changing
attitudes in Disability World was this simple!
Across the country, children and adults with disabilities in
all environments—in their homes, in schools, at work, and in
other places—are in the same boat as Robert: they are held
to a higher standard than those who impose the standard.
Children with disabilities, for example, are forced to spend
countless hours trying to learn to write with a pencil. Yet their
teachers (and most everyone else) routinely use computers instead
of pencil and paper! In this era of computers, Palm Pilots, voice-to-text
software, and other technology, handwriting is a skill of questionable
value (unless one intends to be a calligrapher). And the hours
spent on handwriting significantly reduces the time a child can
spend on more meaningful and relevant academic pursuits.
Other students with disabilities are excluded from age-appropriate
regular education classes because they can’t do math calculations
with pencil and paper. Yet when their teachers (and most everyone
else) balance their checkbooks at home, they use calculators or
computer accounting software.
Still other students are labeled as “slow” or even
as “failures” because they can’t read at grade
level. But their teachers, as well as high-powered business people
and others, make frequent use of audiobooks, videos, and computer
programs to learn what they need or want to know.
Adults with disabilities, especially those in congregate
living situations, are expected to meet habilitation “goals” that
may include such tasks as “washing the dishes within 20 minutes
of eating” or “making up the bed within 30 minutes
of getting up.” Yet the staff people who write these goals
admit they don’t follow these “rules” is their
own lives.
These examples are the tip of the iceberg of the Disability
Double Standard. I’m sure you can think of many more.
Looking at Janet and Robert again, we realize that this Double
Standard doesn’t apply only to individuals with disabilities.
It occurs in many environments, to all types of people, when one
person assumes a moral superiority over another. And it seems this
trait is a generational “inheritance,” in that we learn
it from our parents and other adults when we’re children,
then we pass it on once we become adults. Ultimately, it represents
a maxim we’re all familiar with: “Do as I say, not
as I do.”
Like many children, Robert will learn to disregard
the words of his mother. He will, instead, learn more
from her actions, as reflected by another well-known
maxim: “Actions speak louder than words.” Robert
was, in fact, following in his mother’s footsteps: his desire
to switch to an easier instrument was no different than his mother
choosing to use a dishwasher instead of washing and drying dishes
by hand. In Robert’s case, the harm of his mother’s “Do
as I say, not as I do” position was probably minimal.
The harm to individuals with disabilities, however,
is far greater. Because many children and adults are
perpetually under the control or influence of cradle-to-grave
services (early intervention, early childhood, special
education, vocational-rehabilitation, group homes,
therapies, and more) there is no escape from others
determining the standards which must be met. (At some
point, Robert will be in a position to determine his
own standards. However, the same may not be true for
many individuals with disabilities.) Moreover, those
who do not comply with the “Do as I say, not as I do,” Disability
Double Standard (which may be manifested as “goals,” “behavior
plans,” and the like) are at risk for a variety of consequences
which may include: increased pressure to comply, additional “goals” to
remedy the non-compliance, the continuation or increase of segregation/isolation,
and even punishment or abuse.
The solution to this harmful practice seems
quite simple to me. It’s exemplified by another maxim we’re all familiar
with: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Shouldn’t people in the human services system (including
special education) be held to the highest standard of humane practices?
Is it time to place an embroidered wallhanging of “Treat
others the way you want to be treated,” in the office of
each and every “helping professional”?
Many may feel the solution lies in changing
the rules and regulations of the system. And
there’s no doubt that many rules and regs
should be changed. But there are, in pockets here and there across
the country, human service staffers, therapists, educators, and
others who—under today’s rules and regulations—ensure
children and adults with disabilities (1) are included and supported
in typical environments with people who don’t have disabilities,
(2) live self-directed lives full of choice and opportunities,
and (3) attain personal goals that are relevant and meaningful
to them.
These individuals do not impose the Disability
Double Standard on others. And no “Treat others as you want to be treated” motto
adorns their walls—instead, it’s written on their hearts.
©2003-07 Kathie Snow; all rights reserved. Permission is granted for non-commercial use of this article: you may print this web page and photocopy it to share with others. Click here to download the PDF handout version of the article. As a courtesy, please tell me (kathie@disabilityisnatural.com) how/when you use it. This is the intellectual property of Kathie Snow and is protected by Copyscape; permission is required before republishing in newsletters, on websites, etc. Clip art from Adobe In-Design.
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Our words reflect the way we think, so let's get rid of descriptors like "handicapped, physically disabled, mentally retarded, learning disabled" and other words that focus on the condition instead of the person. People First Language promotes dignity and respect for all!
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