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REVOLUTIONARY COMMON SENSE LIBRARY
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Meaningful Gift-Giving
Revolutionary Common Sense by Kathie Snow
www.disabilityisnatural.com
Ahhh, the joy of sharing during wonderful gift-giving times: holidays, birthdays, and more! What’s on your shopping list? Toys, clothes, electronics, books, DVDs, or…? Your friends and loved ones will be happy with the gifts you give. Did you know you can give even more without spending a penny? Check out the following methods of meaningful gift-giving:
Parents: Give your child’s teacher Permission
to Fail. Most educators
try diligently to do their best. But teachers in inclusive classrooms may be
unsure of themselves as they learn new strategies to include and support children
with disabilities. In addition, they may often feel an extreme amount of pressure
to do things perfectly. As the parent of a child with a disability, I learned
many years ago that what worked with my son at one time, or in a particular
environment, didn’t always work the way I thought it would at other times
or in other environments. My husband and I frequently need to try new things
at home, knowing we’ll make mistakes. We need to give educators (and
anyone else who works with our children) the same Permission to Fail that we
give ourselves. When parents let educators (and others) know it’s okay
to make mistakes, so long as they’re willing to keep trying new things
and do whatever it takes to be successful, educators can relax and do a better
job. So with kind eyes, a warm smile, and a gentle touch on the hand or shoulder,
say something like, “I’m not a perfect parent, and I don’t
expect you to be a perfect teacher. It’s okay if you make mistakes. Let’s
keep working together and help each other figure out the best ways to ensure
both you and my child are successful and feel good about everything!”
Educators: Give mothers and fathers the gift of Respect
for Parental Expertise. Parents of children with disabilities have years of experience—they are
experts! Recognize that combining your professional expertise with parents’ intimate
knowledge of their child will result in success for you and the student.
Parents and Educators: Give children with disabilities the gift of Responsibility. When we expect children to be responsible, they know we trust them and believe
in them. Being responsible can take many forms, such as: doing chores at
home, making their own decisions (small and large), actively participating
in their IEP meetings (including writing goals), finding their own
jobs, and…the
list is endless! When we expect a child to be more responsible, we send the
message that we believe she’s competent, and then she will believe she’s
competent. This is a gift that can change a child’s life!
Parents: Give your child a Vacation to
Kidland. The daily routines of too
many children with disabilities are governed by disability-related
services. Many don’t have time to be kids! So give your precious son or daughter a two
week break (or more) from home visits, speech/physical/occupational therapies,
and other special services. Let him choose what to do with the hours in Kidland:
sleep, watch a video, play with friends, do nothing, or spend dynamite time
with mom and dad. Grown-ups take two week vacations from work. Why shouldn’t
kids get a vacation from the work of therapies and special services? Think
how you and other family members will enjoy this vacation, too! (And, who knows,
you may decide to extend the vacation indefinitely!)
Children and Adults with Disabilities: Give someone the gift of Friendship. Too many people with disabilities are seen primarily as recipients of help
and assistance, and they’re surrounded by professionals and paid staff.
But people with disabilities—just like people without disabilities—need
friends and companions, and they need to be “givers,” not just “recipients.” Someone
in your community needs your friendship and support! And the best way to “get
a friend” is to “be a friend.” So make connections through
church, community groups, or volunteer organizations, and find that person
who needs you for a friend. When you give the gift of friendship, you give
yourself a gift at the same time!
Moms and Dads of Children with Disabilities: Give yourself the gift of
Serenity. Many parents are on the never-ending merry-go-round of services,
IEPs, therapy goals, interventions, and more. When all this “disability business” is
combined with being a wife/husband, having a job, and parenting all your children,
disaster is in the making. Perpetual stress, exhaustion, and burn-out can create
chaos in our lives, as well as in the lives of our loved ones. Everyone loses!
Resolve to live a more peaceful, calm, serene life—be good to yourself
and those you love. You don’t have to “do it all!” What can
you stop doing? What can you let go of?
Parents around the country are discovering that cutting back on “disability
business” has enabled them to rediscover a “normal” life.
On a regular basis, ask yourself, “Will this [therapy, services, or whatever]
really matter six months, one year, or five years from now?” We’re
often so caught up in the daily grind that we fail to look at the long-term
outcomes. Do whatever it takes to simplify your life so you can enjoy time
for yourself, and with your precious children and sweetheart.
Make Simplicity part of your daily life, in all areas—not just disability
issues. Clear out the clutter in your house, your car, your life. Say “no” more
often, so you don’t overextend yourself or your children. Turn off the
TV. Play a game with your family one night each week. Play some music and dance
together. Cook together, then clean up the kitchen together. Read a book together.
Cuddle in one bed together!
Give the gifts that truly matter—gifts from your heart and soul.
©2002-06 Kathie Snow, www.disabilityisnatural.com. Permission is granted for non-commercial use of this article: you may print this web page and photocopy it to share with others. Click here to download the PDF handout version of the article. As a courtesy, please tell me (kathie@disabilityisnatural.com) how/when you use it. Do not violate copyright laws: request permission before reprinting or republishing in newsletters, on websites, or in other media. Clip art from Adobe In-Design.
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Our words reflect the way we think, so let's get rid of descriptors like "handicapped, physically disabled, mentally retarded, learning disabled" and other words that focus on the condition instead of the person. People First Language promotes dignity and respect for all!
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