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REVOLUTIONARY COMMON SENSE LIBRARY
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Humor to the Rescue
Revolutionary Common Sense by Kathie Snow
www.disabilityisnatural.com
Children and adults with disability diagnoses, along with their family members or friends, frequently encounter curious questions, stares and pointed fingers, and/or downright rude comments from strangers. My unofficial survey reveals that our responses to these situations vary according to what state we’re in at the time (happy, rushed, exhausted, or other) and how much time we have at the moment!
While some of us have more experience responding to uninvited queries,
few of us seldom walk away from such an experience with our emotions
unscathed. Many parents learn early on to create a “stock answer” they can
whip out without thinking. Still, we often wish we had been able to come up
with a snappy retort. I’ve got some solutions!
First, however, know that—if you feel like it—it’s all right
to try to educate the curious (nosey?) about people with disabilities. When
doing so, however, make sure to focus on the disability condition in general,
and stay away from focusing on your child or your friend who has the disability.
There’s nothing worse than talking about a person in front of him or
her!
Second, it’s equally important to realize that you do not owe
anyone an explanation. The following story (which I use during presentations on People
First Language) illustrates this point.
Amelia’s four-year-old son with autism goes ballistic in the grocery
store check out line. As Ryan is pulling things off the candy racks, flapping
his arms, and screeching, strangers are staring, shaking their heads in disapproval,
and more. Amelia grabs Ryan by the hand, looks at the congregation and says, “He
has autism.” This, she thinks, helps people understand why Ryan is behaving
this way. Sounds okay, right? Wrong!
Let’s look at the same situation involving a child who doesn’t
have autism, and here’s a clue: how many four-year-old children
who don’t
have autism go ballistic in the grocery store check-out line?
Picture Monica and her four-year-old Trey, who doesn’t have a disability.
When Trey goes ballistic in the grocery store, does Monica grab him by the
hand and announce to the onlookers, “He takes after his dad!” (Monica
might want to say that, but she probably doesn’t!) The point is, family
members and friends of people who don’t have disabilities do
not apologize or explain! Why should we?
Now on to using humor! Following are several examples you can use
as-is, or modify them for your particular circumstances. In most
cases, you’ll
need to talk about these responses with the person who has the
disability so he or she will be in on the scheme!
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Responses
to: “What happened to him?”
Become very serious and respond, “You know, we’re not sure! A
meteor landed in our neighborhood last night, and all the boys [or girls
or 20-year-olds or whoever] in the neighborhood were affected. Do you know
anything about it?”
Or, if parents are together when this question is asked about their child,
they can simultaneously point to one another and exclaim, “He/She did
it!” And then laugh uproariously.
Response
to: “Was she born like that?”
With as straight a face as you can manage, and with pride oozing from your
voice, say, “Why, yes! She has the Albert Einstein syndrome.” (You
could substitute a famous name: Marilyn Monroe, Zorro, Barbie, etc. or use
a silly word—Eggplant Syndrome or Presidential Syndrome!) Alternatively
(and this was shared by another parent), when someone asks, “Was she
born like that?” you can hold your hands about fifteen inches apart
and respond, “No, she was about like this when she was born.”
In most cases, Questioners will quickly turn away when any of these responses
are used. However, if the Questioner persists (or you could also do this
to begin with), begin digging in your purse for pen and paper and say, “I
don’t have time to go into further detail right this minute, but give
me your name phone number and I’ll call you tonight! What would be a
good time?” The Inquiring Mind will most likely back pedal away as quickly
as possible!
Responses to stares:
If it’s a stare “in passing,” at the mall or somewhere else,
smile the biggest, goofiest smile you can, wave like you’re Miss America,
and say, “Hi! How are you?” as you keep moving.
If it’s a “standing still stare,” as when you’re in
parallel check-out lines, your technique will be a little different. Make eye
contact with the Starer and then look to your right and left, as if trying
to determine if you’re actually the Staree. Make eye contact again and
point to yourself as in, “Me?” followed immediately with a big
grin and an even bigger wave, as if you’ve been recognized for being
a famous person!
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Of course, people with disabilities can take on as great a role as
possible in these humorous endeavors. For example, a child or adult
can proudly announce, “I have the Eggplant Syndrome,” and/or
the person can take an active role doing the waving and grinning.
Ed Roberts (1939-1995), the Father of the Independent Living Movement,
used a power chair and breathed through a portable ventilator tube.
He made a conscious decision that when people stared at him, he would
believe they were staring because he was a star! Ed’s technique took the power away from the Starer
and put is squarely in Ed’s lap. These techniques can do the same for
you.
Using humor can protect a person’s privacy and feelings. No longer will
you feel defensive or angry. You can laugh and enjoy the moment—let humor
come to the rescue!
©2002-07 Kathie Snow, www.disabilityisnatural.com, all rights reserved. Clip art from www.clipartinc.com. Permission is granted for non-commercial use of this article: you may print this web page and photocopy it to share with others. Click here to download the PDF handout version of the article. You may also make copies of the PDF to share as a handout with others. As a courtesy, please tell me (kathie@disabilityisnatural.com) how/when you use it. This is the intellectual property of Kathie Snow is is protected by Copyscape; permission is required before republishing in newsletters, on websites, etc.
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Our words reflect the way we think, so let's get rid of descriptors like "handicapped, physically disabled, mentally retarded, learning disabled" and other words that focus on the condition instead of the person. People First Language promotes dignity and respect for all!
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