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REVOLUTIONARY COMMON SENSE LIBRARY
“New and Improved” IEP* Meetings
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*(and any other kind of “I” meetings!)
Revolutionary Common Sense by Kathie Snow
www.disabilityisnatural.com
The words, “IEP meeting,” can strike fear in the hearts of parents and educators alike. Anger, apprehension, dread, and a variety of other emotions may rise to the surface in anticipation of the meeting in which an Individual Education Program is written for a student who receives special education services. But we can change this! And many of the following tips can be used at any type of “I” meeting: IPP, IHP, IOP, IHP, IWRP, INP, ISP, etc. (If you don’t know what all these mean, that’s OK—I made some of them up!)
Have “pre-IEP” meetings. Schedule individual meetings with members
of the team prior to the official meeting. Share your thoughts and ideas, brainstorm,
and get a feel for the other person’s position. Many details can be ironed
out during these “private” one-on-one meetings. Also, you and the
team member can get to know one another on a personal basis, away from the
posturing and game-playing that may occur at planning meetings.
Start with a clean slate. If previous meetings have been contentious, don’t
bring grudges to the next meeting. Stay out of the muck; it gets everyone dirty.
Go the extra mile, and say something like, “I’m sorry we’ve
had difficulties in the past. I want you to know that I’m willing to
do whatever it takes to work with you for the benefit of my child and her education.” Parents
who have extended this olive branch of peace have reported excellent results!
(Educators can also take this initiative and demonstrate their professionalism.)
Be proactive, not reactive! Anticipate
issues and problems and be prepared with a number of solutions. If you
don’t, the solutions others propose might be worse than the original
problem. And don’t “take the bait” or react to others’ emotional
outbursts; this will take you off course. Stay focused.
Think win/win, not win/lose! Use strategies that allow everyone to feel
they’ve “won.” Compromise
whenever possible. Instead of rigidly holding tight to what you “will
[will not] accept,” adopt the consensus way of thinking: “I can
[cannot] live with that.” Be willing to accept a solution even if it’s
not perfect—look at things from the I-can-live-with-that perspective.
Remember, the IEP isn’t written in stone. If things aren’t going
the way you think they should, don’t get stuck fighting over one or two
issues. Compromise and move on to the next issue, then call for another meeting
in a month or so to renegotiate the unresolved issues. You might want the “whole
pie,” but remember that one or two pieces of the pie are better than
none!
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See yourself as a negotiator. Don’t ask questions that can be answered yes or no. Instead, ask: “What will it take to . . .” The response you get will include information which will keep the discussion moving forward: “Well, a computer would cost $1,000, and we don’t have that much money...” You follow with, “I see. So, what will it take to find the $1,000? Can we look at the district budget, the special ed budget, and the building budget?” Continue in this fashion and new information will be revealed.
Leave your ego at home! When
the going gets rough and emotions are high, don’t take things personally.
Hold your head high, maintain your composure, and focus on what’s
really important: the education (and future) of a child. It’s not
about power and control, winning/losing, who’s right or who’s
wrong!
Let your child lead the meeting! Not
only should your child attend the meeting, but he should lead
it to the
best of his ability. In addition, the child should be involved in the writing
of meaningful and relevant goals. (Memorize those two words!) When this
does not occur, and when a child does not achieve the meaningless
and irrelevant goals others have written for him, we tend to blame the child instead of
looking at what we did or didn’t do!
A younger child may not have the patience to attend the entire meeting, so
let her attend at least the beginning of the meeting to set the tone and
the end of the meeting to write the goals. The course of the meeting will
radically change for the better when the child is present. Everyone must
speak to the child, not about her. It’s her education! Remember whose
meeting this really is! Since this is a new way of doing things, if team
members talk about the child like she’s not there, gently remind
them to talk to her.
Begin the meeting with hopes and dreams. You
and your child can lay out the big picture by sharing your dreams: “I
want to be an artist when I grow up,” and “Our dream for Julia
is that she’ll go to college, find a great job, get married, and
make us grandparents.” Send a powerful message of high expectations
during the first part of the meeting. These expectations should then drive
the child’s education. For example, if Julia’s dream is to
go to college or attend vocational school, she’ll need a solid, academic
education in general education classrooms—years spent in life-skills
or resource rooms won’t cut it!
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Change the atmosphere to change the outcome. Take an active role in planning the meeting and be creative! Have it in the classroom, the cafeteria, the library, your home, or other neutral territory, instead of the “official” meeting room. Don’t sit at a table; it’s an artificial barrier you don’t need. Pull chairs into a circle and get up close and personal! Meet outside, sit on the grass, and be infused with fresh air and fresh thoughts!
Instead of bringing “professional advocates” to the meeting, bring
family or friends who know your child well. They’ll bring common sense
to the meeting, and their expertise and knowledge about your child can have
a positive influence. Professional advocates may know the law, but their presence
can also inflame an already tense situation. Do whatever it takes to reduce
tension, not increase it!
Be festive and have refreshments! Food
is the great equalizer. Who can be tense when yummy food and drink comfort
the senses?
Use your tape recorder to play music! If
you were on the receiving end of being recorded, you probably wouldn’t
react too positively. So don’t use your tape recorder to tape others,
use it to play some soft background music to put everyone at ease.
Break the tension! If
frustrations and disagreements begin to escalate, be creative in breaking
the tension. Lead everyone in a group hug or thirty seconds of deep breathing,
stand up for a group hug, lead everyone in ten jumping jacks, or do something
to break the tension!
IEP and other planning meetings don’t have to be awful ordeals! They
can and should be positive, thoughtful exchanges which result in an appropriate,
meaningful plan for success. Make the next meeting the kind everyone will remember
with happy thoughts. The goodwill generated may influence the meetings of others!
If your child’s IEP for the new school year has already been written
and you’re not satisfied, call another meeting to renegotiate and use
these tips.
Keep these thoughts uppermost in your mind: (1) if you can’t change something,
change how you feel about it, and (2) to effect change in others, change yourself,
first. And always remember, attitude is everything!
©2006 Kathie Snow, www.disabilityisnatural.com. Permission is granted for non-commercial use of this article: you may print this web page and photocopy it to share with others. Click here to download the PDF handout version of the article. As a courtesy, please tell me (kathie@disabilityisnatural.com) how/when you use it. Do not violate copyright laws: request permission before reprinting or republishing in newsletters, on websites, or in other media. Clip art from Adobe In-Design.
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Our words reflect the way we think, so let's get rid of descriptors like "handicapped, physically disabled, mentally retarded, learning disabled" and other words that focus on the condition instead of the person. People First Language promotes dignity and respect for all!
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