REVOLUTIONARY COMMON SENSE LIBRARY

Inclusive Education: A Principal's Perspective	When Less is More
Inclusive Education: A Primer	Ask...and You Shall Receive
New and Improved IEP (and other "I") Meetings	Walk in Their Shoes
Special Ed Preschools: Help or Hindrance?	Independence Day
The Case Against "Special Needs"	The Dental Patient

WHAT WILL IT TAKE?

Become a Negotiator!

Revolutionary Common Sense by Kathie Snow

www.disabilityisnatural.com

Are you tired of fighting? Tired of not getting what you need? Want to improve your relationships with others? If so, it’s time to become a negotiator!

From this point on, don’t ask a question that can be answered yes or no. Instead, negotiate by asking, “What will it take?” For far too long, people with disabilities and parents have asked yes/no questions, and too many times, the answer is no! Sometimes, this provokes a fight; other times, we give up. We can move beyond both of these!

In an IEP meeting, if a parent (Lisa) asks “Can the school buy Claire a computer?” “No!” might blast out of the special ed director’s mouth like a bullet!

But when Lisa asks, “What will it take to ensure Claire has a computer in the classroom, dedicated for her use,” there’s a different outcome. The special ed director can’t say no, because that’s grammatically incorrect! He has to tell Lisa something like, “Well, we don’t have any money in the budget for that.” Lisa (who has done her homework and knows exactly where she’s going with this) continues with, “Yes, I understand the budget’s tight. I wonder what it would take to find $40.00 per month to lease one from Computercom?” Now we’re talking! Surely there’s $40.00 per month somewhere: in the school building budget, the district budget, or even in the PTA budget! (As a side note, when are we going to start looking at the many ways a school PTA/PTO can assist with the inclusion of children with disabilities?)

Each time you ask What Will It Take? you’ll learn a bit of information you didn’t know before. In your response, acknowledge what the other person said, take the new information and reframe it into the next What Will It Take? question. Keep doing this until the issue is resolved.

This strategy can eliminate fighting, nagging, hurt feelings, and more! In addition, it’s a technique that can be used with anyone, anytime, anywhere, such as:

Wife: Honey, what will it take to get the gutters cleaned out this weekend?

Dad: Son, what will it take to make sure you’re home on time tonight?

Customer: What will it take to get a refund or a replacement?

When people with disabilities and family members think of themselves as negotiators, they can move beyond feeling like recipients, beggars, or second-class citizens. Negotiating, by its nature, presumes equality between two parties. This strategy can even help us repair damaged relationships, when we ask, “What will it take for us to get along better?” You might be surprised—and pleased—by the response!

What will it take for you to try this strategy today and become a negotiator? What have you got to lose?

©2002-06 Kathie Snow, www.disabilityisnatural.com. Permission is granted for non-commercial use of this article: you may print this web page and photocopy it to share with others. Click here to download the PDF handout version of the article. As a courtesy, please tell me (kathie@disabilityisnatural.com) how/when you use it. Do not violate copyright laws: request permission before reprinting or republishing in newsletters, on websites, or in other media. Clip art from Adobe In-Design.

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Our words reflect the way we think, so let's get rid of descriptors like "handicapped, physically disabled, mentally retarded, learning disabled" and other words that focus on the condition instead of the person. People First Language promotes dignity and respect for all!

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